drumsticks in my toes

..............

2006-09-07T08:12:00.000-07:00

Was at escape the whole day!! ok... was at escape ALMOST the whole day. and im not going there again until bout another year or so. the sun was shining down at me making me feel all sticky and disgusting. and i didnt even get tan!! after the whole sunny day. urgh

Woke up a friggin 8 20 just to meet Teranna and Sara at paya lebar, before continuing our journey to pasir ris. when we finally met up with the rest of the perc. section and reached escape, it was like 11? anyway, rode all the rides except the haunted house thing cause i was scared. hahaha. and my go cart skidded twice at the same spot. almost gave me a heart attack! bla bla bla. finally ended the day at 6. ate dinner. watched tv. and then now...

SUNDAY! gotta wash cars! BIRDSHIT! EEEEEEEEEEEEE. better not have any. hahahahaha.
ok.
good night

KAREN WAS HERE! :]]

2006-09-04T07:29:00.000-07:00

MUMMY!

U SUAAGUU! ahahhahas..

okok. i shall help u CHANGE blogskin,

and u shall owe me a BIG BIG prezzie!

HINTHINT* 18SEPT!

hahaha!

okay! i go change skin now!

LUV YA TO THE MAX!

kaRenn`!#

........

2006-06-18T07:42:00.000-07:00

This is madness to the max! that tiny little spot. actually its HUGE! is causing me to go insane. im like so sorry to joan. hearing all my complains and worries these pass few days. But im really really worried bout it. i dont dare to look people in the face and when they talk to me i just look away or ignore them. even though darlings keep assuring me it will go off soon. . . .
My self-exteem has dropped to zer0 just because of it. i just cant take it anymore. it has been 1 whole week oreidi. since monday! i still remember how it all happened. before leaving me in this state.
People are getting so frastrated already. they just dont understand that this is really really very important to me. something so trival.. . ive made it seem huge. but it is a huge problem to me. all i can think of is that thing! THAT thing! ive becomed obsessed bout this. ive never felt so down before in so so long. Actually. i dont even know why i am like this. i dont want to be like this. but i just am.
Im afraid this thing will scar me for life. for one more week, even for just one more day. I even wake up in the middle of the night- to look at it. see if its healing. getting to the same colour of my natural skin. Applying excessive amount of cream. sleeping in an awkward position so that i will not lie on it and accidentally smudge the cream. i just feel like crying.
I dont even know myself anymore. One week. and i have just changed from happy-go- lucky to down down down.
now, when people look at me. i feel all self-conscious and start hiding behing black strands again. making me look haggard and ridiculous. i dont even bother dressing up. trying to stay at home every second and only going out when neccessary. This is really strange behavior right? going serious. really really serious.
just hope it goes away soon...so that i can get out of this misery and pathetic state that im in right now.

...................................

2006-05-26T21:00:00.000-07:00

Went to collect my report book today together with my parents. Results sucked as i expected. daddy dropped me and mommy home before going for work. and now im in the house. . . . ya.

So mommy and i just quarrelled, so now were like both crying. and im like sitting here confused, posting my new post............ Anyway, it started by me sitting down by the com chatting. then suddenly mommy came and started talking to me bout results and all. so of course i found it a nag right? then she told me to fill up all the days that i had to be in school for remidials and whatever shit. so i was like. . . hello? i just came home and then suddenly ask me to do all these stuff. like im not even in the mood bout talking bout my results laa. so sad oreidi. And by that time i was like oreidi very bu shuang. so its like i unwillingly went to write down all the things on the calendar while mommy was talking to me in a LOUD voice. so if its a loud voice thats shouting right? then , i couldnt take it anymore- so i was like '' can you stop shouting at me? im like trying to fill this thing up laa'' and then the quarrel started.

The Quarrel
Kayla: can you stop shouting at me? im like trying to fill this thing up laa!

Mommy: you call this shouting? fine, then i shall not talk anymore. i shan't bother bout your life. . . so long as you have food to eat ,clothes to wear, my job is done.(goes into my room and takes all her research bout the schools in us out)
Im not going to touch this anymore, if you really want to go ,then go research by yourself, all the infomation is here. Then maybe youll know how hard it is (she starts sobbing oreidi) to do all this things.

Kayla: ( still sitting there blur and confused)

Mommy: You dont know how hard it is for me to be here at home waiting for you to come back from school , wondering if i need to buy lunch for you or not. you may say you didnt ask me to do all this what, so i shall not do all these anymore. next time you just take care of your lunch i will only provide dinner and my job is done.

Kayla: (sobbing) how do yu expect me to now what its like to be you right? im not a mother. then you just suddenly dump all this thing at one time and then i dont know what to do.

-sth like that la. anyway. . . the quarrel goes on in circles before daddy finally returns home with lunch cause turns out he had very little work to do so he could come back early.

So its like daddy steps into the house and both of us are crying and he was like.. . . ''why must we always go through this?''
now mommy is doing housework. and here i am. . . not knowing what to do next. and daddy is reading the newspaper. and mommy said sth bout maybe going for full time job, or do the things she wants to do instead of revolving round my life.
i never knew such drama existed. and unfortunately im in it. and im the lead somemore. tsk tsk. i dont even know how to feel now.

perhaps ill just remain as my blur self now.